The piece "I want a wife" can make a women reader see and feel how they were viewed by both others and by themselves. Both men and women, when reading this piece, will experience a roller coaster ride of emotions. This piece shows how much men depended on women to survive. The author of the piece "I want a wife" was a women named Judy Brady. Brady wrote this piece in 1937 and it was published into a magazine named Ms.Magazine in 1971. This piece makes people look at the connotation of women differently and shows how men thought of women back in this time period. This piece not only shows how much men were dependent on women for everything but, also that women could be replaced if the did not reach the men's outlook of them.
In this essay, it shows how many roles a woman plays in a man's and her family life. It shows you what women thought their role was in the world and in their life. Women are known to have their very own stereotype and Brady uses this stereotype in her essay. Brady stated, "I belong to that classification of people known as wives." By Brady stating this one sentence, in the beginning, creates her tone for the rest of the essay. By stating this one sentence makes people compare women, whether they be high class business women or stay at home moms, she fits them into this one tiny stereotype. To me, I feel as if this essay takes the view of a women as strong because even if she is weary she still does everything \without stopping or giving up. I believe the tone of this essay is that Brady is mocking men for being weak and being so dependent on women all throughout this essay. The reason I say this is because Brady repeats two words all throughout this essay; Brady repeats the words "I want." This phrase can mean multiple things but by Brady doing this makes me believe that she is making fun of men for wanting so much from women. This essay shows how much a family is dependent on women and how much they would be in trouble if they did not have a woman to take care of them.
Throughout this essay Brady shows how much men expected from their wives. Brady breaks every expectation men have for women into separate numbered paragraphs. Each paragraph talks about the separate needs of a man. For example, the third paragraph talks about the children's needs, the fourth paragraph talks about the husband's physical needs, the fifth paragraph talks about listening, the sixth paragraph talks about his social needs, and finally the seventh paragraph talks about the husbands sexual needs. By Brady doing this makes me believe this is what men want from their wives in an organized style. Brady also states in the eighth paragraph, " If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife," she is basically showing that if a man is not satisfied by his wife but is satisfied with another then he is allowed, with no hassle, to replace her. Brady made this essay one-sided. Brady only talks about how a man can benefit from a wife but not how a wife can benefit from a husband. Finally, after Brady explains everything a man wants from a wife she ends her essay with one question. The question is "My God, who wouldn't want a wife?" She says this sentence sarcastically which creates strong impact towards the reader and the essays tone.
1b)
I want a husband that will take care of my kids and me. I want a husband that will respect my decisions even if he does not like them. A husband that is intellegent. I want a husband that will help me take care of my kids when he gets home from work. I want a husband that will let me go out and hang out with my friends. This is not only my family but it is also our family and I want a husband that will be able to support it. I want a husband that is faithful and if he cheats I will leave him. I want a husband that will be able to go on vacation with our kids and me and not be consumed by work.
Hi Amelia!
ReplyDeleteI thought your blog was a decent start of a rhetorical analysis. However, you need to focus WAY more on the rhetorical devices the author uses. For example, I didn't see you talk much about ethos, logos, pathos, kairos or elements of SOAPS. This is what you need to be doing in the rhetorical analysis.
To me, it seemed like you analyzed the content of the piece rather than the rhetoric. Although you did mention tone, I think you need to talk more about it and maybe give a few tones that are set (think about the sarcasm, reality, satire that this text has).
You had a few technical errors, and although focused your content sometimes was confusing.
I would give you a low band 4/high band 5 for these reasons.
Part B:
You followed the style and tone of the original text very well. One thing that I would comment on is that since you are writing a section of the piece, you can focus on one type of the "wishes". For example you could focus on a husband who would help with all the cleaning and those aspects rather than just naming a summary of what you would ask for (i hope that makes sense).
I would give you 6-7 points.
Amelia,
ReplyDeleteWhen looking at your part A, your first paragraph did a good job discussing the author, the purpose of the article, and the projected audience of the article. When looking at your second paragraph, you need a transition or introductory sentence about the tone of the article. At first glance, I did not know you were talking about the article's tone in the beginning of your paragraph. You discuss the repetition used by the author but you could have elaborated on this and talked about how it adds to the emotive language of the article. Not to mention, various sentences from each paragraph seem to not flow together or fully relate to what you are talking about in the paragraph. Instead of just writing things for filler sentences, elaborate on the main points you already have. Your third paragraph seems to focus mainly on the content of the article and you should definitely avoid this in the future. Instead of focusing on the content, you need to focus on the pathos, logos, kairos, and ethos of the article. As for your part B, you did a good job repeating the phrase "I want a husband" but I think you could have done a better job making unrealistic remarks.
Overall, I would grade your part A a band four since you did not focus on the pathos, logos, ethos, and kairos enough. However, you did an adequate job showing a general understanding of the audience and purpose of the article. You made appropriate points and gave some examples but you had a few technical errors as well. I would grade your part B a 6-7 since you did a good job using the appropriate language.
Amelia, I would give your blog a low band four overall. To begin, make sure to read the information right. You said that she wrote this in 1937, but thats actually when she was born lol, she published it in 1971. Throughout your whole paper, you also made multiple grammatical and punctuation errors. For example, you used the plural form of women in you writing, when it was supposed to be written as "woman." Your many grammar errors would punish your grade so much, because thats what AICE first grades off of. Your fourth paragraph makes zero sense, you don't even have an official point or topic over it, its just a lot of scattered sentences. You also repeated the same sentence sooooo many times throughout your whole blog, about men being dependent on women, and the "roles" that we stereotypically have to do. Either rephrase them or come up with another whole sentence. You literally only talked about tone for a little bit and no other rhetorical devices. You touched on repetition a little bit, but not in detail, to the point where it couldn't even be counted as a whole point. Your part b was okay, but some of the sentences didn't flow well together, and sounded a bit weird. Overall, you are missing rhetorical devices, correct grammar and spelling, and elaboration.
ReplyDeleteAmelia,
ReplyDeleteI feel as if you might have read this paper with the wrong thought process. One thing that I noticed as well as the person above or below me is that you gave false information. This is not good. When writing, you never want to give the reader false information. Another thing that i noticed is that I do not see you mentioning tone at all. You need to speak about the tone in order to fully understand the mood of the passage. This passage can be taken in many different ways as I saw with many people. You can narrow it down with analyzing the attitude of the speaker. I saw that you didn't really mention it, but you have the purpose of the piece from your perspective.
Part B,
I think that you did a great job on part b. You followed the flow from the passage very nicely. It felt like i was reading a different version of "I Want a Wife", by the same author. Nicely done.
Band 4
You really need to put a larger focus on the actual rhetoric since that is what the propmpt is asking for. Tone is very important when it comes to this piece so it should have made an appearance somewhere. Then grammar mistakes were made which put this to a lower band than it should have been. Part b however was very good and simulated the original well, so I think this is around a band 4.
ReplyDelete