It is time! You are traveling for the first time in your life without your family. I bet there are a hundred emotions going through your body right now. You are probably feeling scared, nervous, and stressed, but you are also probably feeling happy and excited for this huge occasion. All those feelings you are feeling right now are entirely valid. Traveling alone without your family is scary because of all the news reports about what happens to tourists while they are on vacation. But do not fear because I am here to give you the guidance and advice you need to to survive traveling alone without your mama and your papa.
I have traveled alone before and what I have learned is the best thing you should do is plan. Plan everything you are going to possibly do while on vacation. Such as, going to a shopping center to get souvenirs or going on a tour to learn more and explore the amazing culture that lives on the destination you chose to travel to. Planning what you are going to do and see can help keep you organized and not stressing at the last minute to find sites to see and tours to go on. However, do not over plan. Even Though this seems like something that is impossible to do, over planning is possible. You need time in between sightseeing and shopping to relax and enjoy yourself and the place that surrounds you. If you over plan you will become stressed and will not be able to enjoy the view around you. The reason I say this is because you will be looking at the clock on your phone every five seconds trying to get to every fun activity you planned on time.
Another tip you should know about traveling alone is stay connected with your family. This tip is sort of a safety tip. By staying connected with your family I mean keeping them up to date about what you are going to see and or do while on vacation alone. For example, you could send them the plan you made or send them your itinerary. You should also send them where you are going to be staying whether it is a hotel or an Airbnb. This is to keep your mom from imploding with anxiety because she will know where you are going to be and when you are going to arrive. This tip can also help you by making you feel safe, in case something did happen to you.
As well as staying connected you should also save your money. This is a huge tip. If you spend all your money in the first day you will not be able to get food or have fun for the rest of your trip. While you are on vacation you do not want to go around asking strangers in a foreign place for any money they can spare; it might be fun with friends but that is not fun when you are traveling solo. A way you could save yourself from embarrassment is by having a backup stash of money either in your wallet or in the back of your phone case. If you run out of money before your solo adventure is over you will always have that in case of emergency stash of money. Whether it is $30 or $100 anything will help and will save your life when you are broke while on vacation.
The most important tip you should know above all is to have fun! Having fun is not stressing about all the ways you could be kidnapped or about what could happen to you at any time. And even though you are traveling alone like a loner, you can still have fun. Such as,doing the stuff you could never do while you were with your family. You could go to the shopping mall or the beach you have always wanted to go to but couldn’t because your sister or brother wanted to go to the zoo. Having fun is what makes a vacation a vacation. Having fun makes memories and makes good Instagram posts that could make your friends jealous. Besides all the safety tips and advice a vacation alone is important and is super fun.
Hi Amelia!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I liked the structure of your blog and how you broke it up to make it easier for the targeted audience to understand.
Although there is technically not an issue with this "And even though you are traveling alone like a loner" I think you should just take off the "like a loner" part because its not necessary, and not very formal either.
I did also see several other technical and grammatical errors which you need to fix. These errors would put you at a lower band on the actual test, so you need to make sure that you fix those. For example "As well as staying connected you should also save your money" is very hard to read and interrupts the flow. Since this is the introductory sentence I think you should just keep it at "another tip would be to save your money" or something along those lines.
Overall I would give you a band 4 because of technical errors. Your structure and focus were ok, but sometimes confusing because of your errors.
Amelia,
ReplyDeleteI thought your blog was good however I feel like you could have gone more into detail as I thought your reasons were very broad. I feel some of your sentences were unnecessary and went off topic. It was somewhat confusing. For example in your introduction you were talking about traveling for the first time away from your family then you said, "Traveling alone without your family is scary because of all the news reports about what happens to tourists while they are on vacation." I could tell where you were trying to go with that sentence but I feel it didn't go very well with what you were trying to say. Also I thought your word choice could have been a lot better. You used words like scary and happy and I feel you could have used more advanced vocabulary. Also make sure to never start your sentences with words like "and", or "but". In your first paragraph it states, "But do not fear because I am here to give you the guidance and advice you need to to survive traveling alone without your mama and your papa." When you start a sentence like that It doesn't seem as strong or effective. However I did think your structure was good and the way you organized your paragraphs was easy to read.
Overall I would give you a high band 5 low band 4
Amelia,
ReplyDeleteI have concluded that I would give this blog a veryyyy low band four. Overall, I really just didn't love it. Some of the sentences were awkward and unnecessary. In the first paragraph, the sentence structure was just off, and could have been simplified to sound more sophisticated and interesting. Try combining the sentences and rephrasing them to fit, using commas. For example, instead of saying “ Traveling alone without your family is scary because of all the news reports about what happens to tourists while they are on vacation. But do not fear because I am here to give you the guidance and advice you need to to survive traveling alone without your mama and your papa.” You could have said something like “I know with all of the constant news reports about crimes, and situations tourists are sometimes unfortunately put in, it may be frightening to travel alone, but if you acknowledge the information provided below, this can be avoided!”to make it sound better in general and flow better. One last example of how a sentence can be rephrased to sound better would be… instead of “ I have traveled alone before and what I have learned is the best thing you should do is plan.” you could say “Having traveled solo before, I have rightfully come to the conclusion that the best decision would be to plan.” Delete the part “alone like a loner” it is unnecessary repetition. Also, in the second to last paragraph, “emergency” needs an article before it. This sentence “Having fun makes memories and makes good Instagram posts that could make your friends jealous.” sounds extremely petty and like a middle schooler wrote it, I suggest deleting it. Some points needed more elaboration to really persuade the reader and help them, not vague "explanations." Overall, you need to focus on having your sentences flow better and not being so abrupt and stiff-like.
On the other hand I thought how you organized the paragraphs was good and easy to follow, and your points were pretty good.
Amelia,
ReplyDeleteTo start off, I would probably give your blog a band 5. I am not trying to be mean, but I just didn't find it interesting. It was just boring. It felt like my parents forced my to read the whole instruction book out loud before putting a basketball hoop together. It kind of feels like you just threw words in there to get to the word count. It works, but it really doesn't make your point any stronger. I have one important question for you. If you were writing this for an AICE grader to read, would you use this same wording? It makes you look immature and simplistic. There were many places where you could have really improved upon your choice of words. In the second paragraph, you talk about planning. Why do you plan? What does planning ahead do for you? Why can't I just wing it? You really have to make a statement and not leave the reader with question. If anything, you made a logical fallacy. Yes, planning can help. But how can it help if you can get too stressed out over it. One last thing, please try not to use actual numbers in your passages. You need to practice writing out the numbers. It takes more time, but it makes you look more professional.
Hey Megs,
ReplyDeleteSo I do not want to bash you because your my friend, but I care about how well you do so I am only going to say this out of love to make you better.
So let's just jump right in shall we??? Okay love, so to start off with your blog was honestly extremely boring compare to one of the last ones the was filled with suspense just being on the side of the road and the back of a car (I am sorry if this sounds weird, I am extremely tired). But I feel like since the last story that I have read of yours, I found myself making my standards a little to high because the last blog was just that good. There was almost a few technical errors as well as some dramatical errors. Those I would not worry to much about, just type slower and I know you will be fine. Your structure was okay and the organization is normally pretty good with you. All in all, I would give you a band 3/4
I'm so sorry I typed "Megs" but I meant to type Amelia. I am seriously that tired.
ReplyDelete